There's a difference between money and wealth
Thanksgiving, grace, and getting what we "deserve"
It’s funny, Jesus told 39 parables and 13 of them about the paradoxes and complexities of money.1 Yet most people I know who are “spiritual” don’t want to talk about money. But not talking about money is a form of spiritual bypass, a term therapist John Welwood coined to describe using spirituality in order to “sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.”
But as we talked last week, any real spirituality is an encounter with reality as it is. So if we don’t talk about money, what exactly are we talking about?
Whether you count your change in dollars, yen, rupees, or drachmas, money is one of the central, linchpin issues in all of our lives. It is in mine, and it is a central issue for everyone I’ve ever met, no matter how much or how little money they have.” - Lynne Twist, The Soul of Money
One of those parables is Matthew 20:1–16:
“For the Kingdom of Heaven is like the landowner who went out early one morning to hire workers for his vineyard. 2 He agreed to pay the normal daily wage[a] and sent them out to work.
3 “At nine o’clock in the morning he was passing through the marketplace and saw some people standing around doing nothing. 4 So he hired them, telling them he would pay them whatever was right at the end of the day. 5 So they went to work in the vineyard. At noon and again at three o’clock he did the same thing.
6 “At five o’clock that afternoon he was in town again and saw some more people standing around. He asked them, ‘Why haven’t you been working today?’
7 “They replied, ‘Because no one hired us.’
“The landowner told them, ‘Then go out and join the others in my vineyard.’
8 “That evening he told the foreman to call the workers in and pay them, beginning with the last workers first. 9 When those hired at five o’clock were paid, each received a full day’s wage. 10 When those hired first came to get their pay, they assumed they would receive more. But they, too, were paid a day’s wage. 11 When they received their pay, they protested to the owner, 12 ‘Those people worked only one hour, and yet you’ve paid them just as much as you paid us who worked all day in the scorching heat.’
13 “He answered one of them, ‘Friend, I haven’t been unfair! Didn’t you agree to work all day for the usual wage? 14 Take your money and go. I wanted to pay this last worker the same as you. 15 Is it against the law for me to do what I want with my money? Should you be jealous because I am kind to others?’
16 “So those who are last now will be first then, and those who are first will be last.”
What makes this such a difficult story for us in our normal consciousness is that we, like those workers in the morning, want the world to be fair. Whether we’re liberals who want more equitable distribution or conservatives who want more individual liberty, we want whatever we think is “justice.” We want people to get want they deserve. The poor should get aid because they work hard and deserve a larger portion for their labor. The elderly should get Social Security because they put decades of work in and deserve to be taken care of.
But to take grace seriously means letting go of deservedness. The word deserve comes from the French, “de-servir,” worthy of service. You have to do something to earn your worthiness. And we like that world. We like the fact we earned whatever we get because it fulfills our egos. In a capitalist culture, we don’t like it when people get the same thing as us because we spend a lot of time judging who’s up and who’s down: the jobs, houses, clothes, cars, vacations are all subtle ways of evaluating how well am I doing, in comparison to others. In fact, comparing ourselves to others is the only way we judge how well we are doing.2 And the ego doesn’t like it if others get more.
We’re capitalists, even in the spiritual life. If we work more, we expect more and we don’t know what to do with a God who breaks that rule. Yet God’s justice is just another way of thinking about God’s unconditional love. All through the Gospels, people receive what they don’t deserve. Relentless generosity is hard for us to comprehend, much less practice. That kind of unconditional justice is beyond our human power. Yet the Gospel is showing that it’s possible for Jesus to be fully human and divinely just, because he lived in the power of the Spirit. Likewise, it is possible for all those who, like Jesus, open themselves to receive the Spirit. — Richard Rohr
Who has it better than we do? Nobody!
The number of sports fans in this readership is vanishingly small, but I ventured into tennis this week, so I’ll reach to the NFL this week. Tonight the Ravens and the Chargers play each other in Monday Night Football. Of particular interest is that the two teams are coached by brothers, John and Jim Harbaugh. There is a 25 min tear-inducing documentary about the family but here is a three minute clip about the phrase they got from their rah-rah father (also a football coach). It’s really worth watching:
For the lazy/can’t-be-bothered, you’re going to have to read my summary: the two coaches’ phrase, “Who’s got it better than we do? Nobody!” comes from a incident in the boys’ childhood when they didn’t have a car and their father made it seem like they had the greatest life in the world because had to walk a mile in cold Iowa City winter
As we talked about last week, it’s one’s perspective on one’s circumstances, not the circumstances themselves, that determine our happiness. As Camus wrote, “One must imagine Sisyphus happy.” As Viktor Frankl wrote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”
The fact you have obstacles means nobody has it better. Sometimes you think someone has it “better,” but the obstacles that you overcome are the only things that create growth. A story is (1) a character (2) who wants something that (3) is willing to overcome obstacles to get it. A great story isn’t about whether the character gets it, it’s how big (2) and (3) are.
An affirmation of love and family. If we are in this family, who could have it better than us, who could have it better? Nobody!
You can find tons of Youtube clips of the Harbaugh brothers’ teams screaming “Who's got it better than us? NOBODY!” in post-game locker rooms after wins. But the Harbaughs use the phrase after both wins and losses.
The difference between intelligence and wisdom
The optimism that the Harbaugh brothers is a stance on life. It’s a belief that precedes any conditions. I think it’s an antidote to the liberal tendency towards pessimism: the more you see what’s wrong, the smarter or more “aware” you are. Pessimism makes the ego feel smarter too. But there’s a difference between intelligence and wisdom, a distinction that’s only becoming clearer to me as I age. Intelligence is knowing more things, while wisdom is knowing the right things to know.
"The wise person is always joyful." Isabel Allende
And what are the right things to know? As my Franciscan spiritual director teacher Sister Mary Jo, says, we are surrounded by Grace. Drenched in it. I was at Quaker Meeting for Worship yesterday and someone stood up and delivered a message about the floor. The floor was holding all of us up and to take a moment to think about everything and everyone it took for that floor to be built. And how easy it was to take it for granted. Extend that simple thought ad infinitum and you realize none of us did anything to “deserve” the world we live in. To believe otherwise is immature foolishness. As Native American scholar Robin Wall Kimmerer put it:
“When we realize we live in a world full of gifts not a world full of stuff the world becomes one of reciprocity and Gratitude.”
We all get more that we “deserve.” Far more. This is the floor.
To take grace seriously means realizing that all of us are those workers, hired at five o’clock, receiving a full day’s wage. We should be throwing a party.
An ego can’t be grateful. This Thanksgiving, let go of comparison. Whether you count in dollars, yen, rupees, or drachmas, let go of deservedness. Whether you win in a blowout, or lose in a landslide, let go of “worthiness.” All parlour games.
Put on joy. Put on contentedness.
Drown in grace.
Just as there’s a difference between intelligence and wisdom, there’s a difference between money and wealth. In the Talmud, there’s a great story where the student asks: “Who is wealthy?” The teacher responds: “Those who rejoice in their portion.”
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. The only way to feel wealthy is to rejoice in your portion. And our portion is overflowing.
We’re drenched in grace.
Who has it better than us?
NOOOBODY!
In the Bible, there are roughly 2,300 Bible verses mentioning money.
Comparison is the death of joy — Mark Twain and many others.