Naps and the shadows

The disaster comes from inside. So are our solutions.

I read this NY Times article about the “Tricia Hersey’s Nap Ministry” this morning. For those of you who prefer listening, here’s Glennon Doyle’s interview of her. The podcast summary is a good capsule:

1. The Nap Ministry’s Nap Bishop shares small, concrete ways to bring rest into our own lives – especially when rest seems impossible. 

2. Why so many of us feel like machines instead of humans – and the power of imagination as a spiritual practice to reconnect with our humanity and divinity.

3. Why grind culture – a collaboration of capitalism and white supremacy – wants to keep us exhausted, and how we can resist a culture of overwhelming busy-ness.  

4. Why everything changes when we embrace ease as our birthright. 

5. Creative ways to reimagine rest within our hectic daily lives. 

I take a nap almost every day. It's core to my health. Of course how Tricia Hersey talks about our current system as "forced labor" is extra poignant coming from a Black woman, but I think one day in the future, we're going to see the 40 hour work week as a human rights violation. Rest is resistance to "productivity culture." But why are we producing more?

The darkness within

I was in Vancouver this week with my friend Will and we fell into a conversation with a Romanian bread baker, who waxed philosophical about life, family, and political hate. He said one thing that struck me so much I had to write it down:

What I’ve discovered in my life is that it’s easy to blame the world for my problems. But the disaster comes from inside. What I see wrong in others in my life, or in the world is simply the shadow that I can’t see in myself. It’s the ego’s self-protection: it’s no fun to see one’s shadow. As Franciscan mystic Richard Rohr says “the truth will liberate you, but it will first make you feel ashamed.” As I’ve gotten older, I’ve seen how I’ve accused others of what I never saw in myself: my inability to love, my inability to forgive. And I’ve felt ashamed.

The collective drive for “productivity” is the shadow side of our sustained belief of two “myths”¹, which I would actually describe as lies:

”There is not enough”

and

These two myths are our disaster within.

Instead of writing more about myself, here’s a beautiful On Being interview where Krista Tippett asks yoga teacher Seane Corn: “The darkness is within, isn’t it?”

MS. CORN: Yes. And is within us. And that’s the beautiful part because if it’s in me it’s also in you. And if I can understand it in me, then I can also witness it and recognize it within you without judging it. I will only judge your shadow if I’m judging my own.

MS. TIPPETT: And how does yoga make that possible or trigger that?

MS. CORN: It’s the emotional part of it. When emotions start to arise, you start to — it’s like a mirror. I start to first experience my uncomfortableness to the emotion, and then I start to witness. If you have a good teacher and can guide you through this, I start to witness my attachment to it or the story I tell myself. And I start to spin out within that story. Tension is addictive, and the shadow parts of the human experience are as well, but we tend to deny it. We tend to say the shadow’s bad. It’s wrong. We shouldn’t go there. So we shut down.

MS. TIPPETT: And when we say the shadow, are we talking about the things about ourselves we don’t like? Are we talking about things we haven’t done well? Are we talking about real vices? All of that?

MS. CORN: All of it. All of it. It depends on the judgment to it. My rage can be my shadow, but it can also be my light if it provides information for transformation. So it depends on my perception. But jealousy, obsession, inappropriate sexual behavior, drugs, alcohol, war, power — anything that’s being done from an egoistic place can be considered the shadow aspect of the human experience. One we see as “that’s bad.”

When we’re looking in yoga, no separation — everything is connected. When we start to really understand this, then we start to see that. If God is in love, and if God is in grace, and if God is in the children, all of the stuff we want to label, then we also have to say, well, there is no separation, and so God must be in the rage, and the fear, and the sadness, and in all of the experiences of our life. Because if we don’t embrace that, what we’re saying is that there is an other, that there’s a disconnect.

What I learned along the way — rather, I should say I’m learning it more and more, is that everything that’s happening on a planetary level, on a global level, the war and the violence and the terrorism, the oppression, everything is a manifestation of our collective thoughts. Nothing is being done to us that we are not a part of. And so very often in a classroom I’ll ask people, “Who here wants to see the end of war?” You know, of course everyone’s going to raise their hand.

MS. TIPPETT: Right. Right.

MS. CORN: “Who here wants peace?” They’ll raise their hand. “Who here wants happiness and abundance for all?” And, you know, everyone is in agreement. But then I’ll ask the same question and I’ll say, “Well, what about your ex-husband or your ex-wife?” And the room, they start to laugh.

MS. TIPPETT: Right.

MS. CORN: Because, you know, because in theory it’s a great idea, but when you start to individualize it you have to say — and I ask myself this question all the time — where am I living an interpersonal war? Where am I creating some sort of psychic terrorism between me and another person or my own form of oppression? And if I’m not dealing with that which is within me, then I’m a part of this problem. And I don’t want to be a part of the problem, so I need to go into myself and see where are my shadows. Where am I not seeing that there is a bigger picture, a mystical picture, at play? We can perceive things as bad or we can perceive things as opportunities.

MS. TIPPETT: Right. You say, “Our work is not to want experiences to change” — and I would say this is very reflective of Buddhist teaching, for example — “not to want experiences to change, but to pray for a shift of perspective.” Why does that make all the difference?

MS. CORN: And I say this, you know, I have the ability to articulate information, but I never want to mislead people into thinking that I live this way all the time.

MS. TIPPETT: Right. [laughs]

MS. CORN: I struggle with this, especially doing work in developing countries, which is where my heart is. What I pray for, and I struggle with this every day, is I ask God, “Do not take this experience away, but give me the strength to perceive this experience differently.” And these are my prayers. Life happens. People die. People get AIDS. People that you love get very, very ill, like my own dad. And that’s life. It’s a bummer. And on a very human level, I wish it could be different. But on a spiritual level, that’s just how it goes down. And we can suffer by trying to make it different and trying to will our perception into trying to understand it or get it. Or we can ask spirit to give us the strength to view an experience in a way that can be more empowering to the whole.

When you’re perceiving an experience differently, what I have to do is say, God is in all the moments, the light and the dark, and the fact that it’s been delivered to me gives me the opportunity to either step into love or to step into fear. It’s my choice. Give me the strength so that I can move towards love, and if I can’t, help me to understand the purposefulness of my fear. And I say it as though it’s easy, but it’s probably the hardest thing ever. But I know in my own soul that this is the way that I want to work.

Everything is a manifestation of our collective thoughts: “productivity” culture, overconsumption, white supremacy climate change. Everything is a manifestation of our not-enoughness and our belief that more is better. If we can perceive differently, we’ll live different. And when we change in our hearts, the world changes too.

Solutions to spiritual problems

I write this newsletter because of after teaching Financial Freedom for six years, I’ve begun to understand that our financial problems are really spiritual problems. Our environmental problems are really spiritual problems. Everything is a manifestation of what’s within. I found that you can’t really address the root of our issues with money or the world without addressing our problems with ourselves. That’s what eventually lead me to become a spiritual director. Why do we work more, spend more, destroy more², and never remain satisfied?

We are looking for external solutions for spiritual problems. We are stuffed with knowledge and starved for wisdom. Our disaster comes from inside. As grace would have it, so are our solutions

"Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner. Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity."
-  Tao Te Ching, 9  

1. I’m writing about these two myths in a future post. They are fully attributable to one of my heroes, Lynne Twist.

2. The definition of “to consume” is “to destroy.” A consumer is a destroyer.